“You may live to see man-made horrors beyond your comprehension”. This quote (though unconfirmed) has been historically attributed to Nikola Tesla, from way back in 1898. I don’t recall ever reading reports that Tesla could actually see the future or travel into it, but now I suspect that this may have been the case. It seems highly likely that his dread warning of future horrors must almost certainly have been in reference to this exact item. That’s right, ladies and gentlemen: some disturbed denizen of the Gunternet’s darkest corners has produced what may very well be the most disconcerting, unnerving, horrifying gun-related item ever to exist. Your eyes do not deceive you. In that cover image, you are looking at an iron sight manufactured to look like… *sigh*, there’s really no way to put this tactfully… like Garfield the cartoon cat’s asshole. I’ll take “Heinous Phrases I Never Thought Would Have To Be Written” for $800, Alex.
This photo recently surfaced in gun-related social media circles and was unfortunately brought to my attention by several
friends sickos whom I’ve since blocked. Glossing over the painfully obvious “REAR sight” jokes, the existence of this grotesque monstrosity merits some follow-up questions. Primarily, “What the f*ck?”. Secondarily, “What in the ACTUAL f*ck?!”. Recovering (somewhat) from the initial shock of Garfield’s dead, plastic eyes peeking meaningfully back at you over his orange rump makes you start to wonder how such an atrocity ever came to be. Who does this? What kind of a person even comes up with the initial idea, and what mind-altering substances were they smoking/drinking/snorting/injecting/huffing at the time? Where is the intersectional point between Garfield, firearms enthusiasm, illicit substances, and 3D printing? If we can find that point, can we nuke it from orbit to ensure this manner of crime against humanity can never re-occur? Or is it worse than that – is this not merely the purview of one solitary, deeply imbalanced individual? Is there a whole underground community of degeneracy and depravity supporting projects like this, sharing such bedeviled ideas amongst themselves and holding up the odious results as some kind of abominable, twisted trophy? Sadly, in this bizarre age of the internet, I think we all know this is likely. You can almost hear these execrable miscreants gleefully cackling Ozymandias at the rest of us, “Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair!”
Tragically, when I shared this cursed image (if I had to see it, so did they) with my TFB colleagues, some of these utter lunatics immediately asked if I knew where they could buy one of these Garfield butthole BUIS. Thankfully, I don’t. I’ll spare us all the shame of naming who they are, but the upshot is this: these people are among us. They’re out there, just driving around, going to our grocery stores and our gun ranges, buying our ammo, leaving TFBTV YouTube comments like anyone else. We may never know who they are, or when they’re lurking nearby. For the love of whatever gods may be, I swear I can practically hear more than a few of you out there now, reading this article, firing up your 3D printers to perpetuate the mayhem. Man, if this orange plastic Garfield ass sight isn’t a sign of the apocalypse, I don’t know what is. If you’re as sickened by this behavior as I am, I implore you to be strong and stay safe out there in crazy world. And if you’re one of the reprobates producing such an insane object rife with chaos energy, please: stop it, get some help. Alright, I’m out… I need a drink.
Photos courtesy of the Internet People, Garfield’s demented fan club, and the Maniae (ancient spirits of madness).
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